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Confessions of an elderly lunatic [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Granny Flo

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(no subject) [Aug. 12th, 2008|01:21 am]
Granny Flo
[mood |coldcold]
[music |Gloria Estefan - Cherchez La Femme]

I'm missing Goucher big time now and can't wait for it to start, but I realized I'm also sort of dreading it, because it's my last year. It's almost like the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends. Or something.

Not to bring people down. But I hope it goes by really slowly. Painfully slowly, if possible.

But I do have faith that we'll make this one count. ;-)
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2008|11:59 pm]
Granny Flo
Do you think the New York Lotto guy is depressed about how much money he actually makes?
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2008|12:44 am]
Granny Flo
Tonight I asked a woman where the restrooms were. She looked at me and immediately replied, "The men's room is downstairs."

I was offended before I realized she was actually doing me a service, as there was no line there.

Thus, blessings are often in disguse.

I also realized that I think hell must be a line of women with full bladders. Forever.
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Poor Unfortunate ME [Aug. 5th, 2008|01:07 am]
Granny Flo
I realized that both of the last times I can remember trying to watch The Little Mermaid, I ended up only watching all of the songs.

This was not by choice. Once at school and once at home, the same curious phenomenon occurred. I was watching it, then someone wandered in and was like, "OOH! Can we watch Under The Sea?" Then once that happened, the general concensus was it had to immediately be followed by Kiss the Girl. It's like If You Give a Mouse A Cookie, only more annoying. I think the lesson of that book, at least in its application to my life, is to withhold the cookie in the first place. Especially in my scenario, because both times it ended with the intruder beinglike, "oh, by the way, I have to do something else now, either taking you away or using the TV myself, bascially something that prevents your continued viewing." and I'm like, "Fuck you, I'm a college student who wants to watch The Little Mermaid uninterrupted, because apparently I haven't done so in at least 3 years." Then they'll get mad and leave me and I'll watch it by myself but it just won't be the same because it'll be clouded by my anger.

The only solution is to watch it in a secluded area by myself. I want to say the woods but there's no electricity there. Oh, the woes of being me.
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Deep Thoughts By Meg Vidler (not even thoughts. just musings on things beyond my control. sad.) [Aug. 1st, 2008|03:41 am]
Granny Flo
1. First off, I saw Boeing Boeing tonight. First act was a little slow but in the second act it picked up, and of course, the acting was phenomenal. As were the costumes and set. This is pretty much my obligatory "I DO things!" statement. But I don't really see the point. I mean, a lot of you guys are too far away to see it and it might just look like bragging, or be boring. I think most of the things that I actually do are interesting when they happen, but not worth writing about here. I think the things I see are more interesting. Like today, for example:

2. I saw a little girl in a stroller wielding a Barbie doll who had neither arms nor clothing. (well, maybe she had pants, I only saw the top half.) It wasn't a real Barbie, but one of the generic dime-store kinds (I had one named Hilary I got at my grandfather's store and while she was cheaply made, they did take care to give her a creepily realistic birthmark, or 'stork mark' on the back of her head, under her hair. It always bothered me.) Anyway, the genericness of it explained how the arms might have popped off more easily but made it LOOK scarier. I know it's perfectly natural for Barbies to get mutilated in the hands of children, but A. I'd never seen a case where BOTH arms were gone. (My barbies usually met their waterloos when I got overzealous brushing their hair with my actual brush and their heads popped off. Then you went through The Matel Phases of GriefCollapse )
And B. the fact that this doll was being carried around by this child obviously implied, to me, that she had explicitly CHOSEN this ONE to make the outing with her. Which makes me think it is somehow prized, which in turn makes me think that this doll's deformity was the child's own design. Or some weird marketing thing. "Hey, Girls, It's Venus De Milo Barbie!" But also, the girl was in a stroller, so she can't have been that old. This implies to me that maybe the parents chose what toy she would take out with her, just handed her something to pacify her, and that makes it even more unsettling that the doll would be, essentially, a torso with a creepy, generic head attached. Although I do tend to blame parents too much since I prefer blaming adults over children. Also, I think too much.

3. If you were dropping mail into a mailbox (or post-box as I inadvertently started saying this summer... why/where I heard it, I have no idea. Is that English?), and happened to drop your cell phone in... what would you do? My solution was to wait there for the mailman if it was earlier in the day. It'd suck since you couldn't call to request that they open it. Perhaps a kind passerby would take pity upon you.

I haven't even touched on the train ride back yet. More on that tomorrow.
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Submitted for your approval [Jul. 30th, 2008|11:05 pm]
Granny Flo
I got the following email the other day from an address I have never heard of:

intricate saginaw invulnerable

piquant miocene offsaddle? befuddle, piquant horrid.
wavefront immediate pontific desorption oxcart elegy, wavefront
repute acumen cola lynn besetting.

cola lynn.

I think it's some kind of horribly worded ad, but it sounds almost like some desperate poet sought me out (I don't know why), like, "maybe this one will like it!"

It also sounds like it could be the ramblings of a crazy person. And about as senseless as notes I've written to myself before. Only with bigger words. Now I feel stupid AND sanely endangered. (if that's an expression).

I got a second email tonight, only it's not as interesting.
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Lots of Things I Felt Compelled to Remark Upon Today... But Only Two Off The Top of My Head [Jul. 30th, 2008|12:19 am]
Granny Flo
1. Today I saw a homeless guy with a cardboard sign that said "Can I get a beer?" or something like that. When people, who I guess looked like they'd comply, passed him, he'd yell things out and then pull out another piece of little cardboard attached to the sign. He did this three times before I could actually read it. It said "Me too?" I looked for a dummy or a pet and checked to see if his fly was down, but saw nothing of the kind to merit another entity requesting a beer. Was he attempting to convince people he was schizophrenic in order to curry their sympathies? (can one curry sympathies?) If this is the case, I don't think he should be drinking.

2. Not ten minutes later I saw an ad for American Girl. It showed a mother and her daughter enjoying a rather fancy lunch. The daughter held a doll on her lap and was holding something to its lips. It appeared to be a black-and-white striped cup, the same kind she and her mother were drinking from. She was basically feeding the doll. She was grinning at her mother, as if for approval, and the mother beamed back at her. I don't know ANYBODY'S parent who would react like that. They'd all be like, "Are you NUTS? You'll get the doll dirty!" Actually, they probably wouldn't even let their kid bring it to lunch. I think American Girl is trying to make the dolls more 'play-able' as opposed to the "You may play with this, but harm it and you die" toy it was in my day, but I still find it hard to believe that parents are cool with this.
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Jackpot. [Jul. 29th, 2008|04:53 pm]
Granny Flo
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Remember Frutopia, anybody? [Jul. 28th, 2008|11:10 pm]
Granny Flo
[mood |hotmuggy]

This was actually the first thought in my mind when I woke up the other day. To be fair, I had been thinking it before, but then it just kind of recycled itself to the front of my mind and I woke up like, "FRUTOPIA! Where is it?"

2. (or, 1, I guess, but then I get into the Roddy Doyle system of numbering) I saw a rabbit on a leash today in Bryant Park. There was a little cup of lettuce and shredded carrots next to it too. I think everyone in the general vacinity was trying not to stare, especially since this couple obviously regarded this rabbit as a member of the family. They had an air about them, probably their talking so earnestly to each other and not bothering to stroke or otherwise acknowledge the tethered rabbit, that seemed like forced normalcy. Almost like they were waiting for someone to inquire about their pet so that they could be like, "Do you have a problem with that?" Sadly, for the first split-second I saw it, I thought, "that's a fucked-up dog."

3. What movie/book/tv show/other pop culture reference where some guy sells doors, door-to-door? I've googled it and can't find it, but I did find a real account of a guy who did that. Pretty amusing. If this isn't from anything, I claim rights to it.

4. I wonder what would happen if you went up to someone in a Free Tibet shirt and said, "Now I'm pissed. I paid way too much for mine." This is another thing that I'm not sure I made up or heard somewhere. Could someone enlighten me, please?

5. If you listen to the song "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" and replace 'baby' with 'Jesus' it's quite amusing. I actually did this for the first time last summer but it never fails to entertain me for about 5 seconds.

6. Today at work, I replaced an empty toilet paper roll somewhere between 11:15 and 11:45. I went to the bathroom somewhere between 3 and 4:30 later and the roll was nearly used up. I think there's a toilet gnome in our office. That is a more logical explanation to me than believing that five people (I discount myself, since that was only the second time I went to the bathroom that day) could have used up nearly an entire roll of toilet paper in under five hours. Should I be concerned about this? I sort of am, especially since I'm supposed to restock the bathroom and I might have to do it every damn day now. And, as a lowly intern, I can hardly say, "one square apiece, please, unless it's an emergency. Let's be green, ladies."
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Fall of the House of Usher: The Musical! [Jul. 27th, 2008|11:02 pm]
Granny Flo
I seem to have underestimated the effect this news would have on a bunch of English majors. Or maybe I forgot that most of my friends are English majors or at least have a basic knowledge of literature. Anyway, I figured it merited its own entry.
(I was going to put, 'since that's more interesting than the rest of my life now' but I think my life has been very interesting lately. However, it's probably in ways that only I find interesting. Kind of like this little aside.)

First off, I should point out that I learned that this particular musical was written by a bunch of Yale undergrads (of course). I must admit, this makes it a little more impressive to me. It grazes that line where when you hear the lyrics on their own, you're like, "eh" but once you find out people near your age wrote them they become impressive. Why is that?

If you've read this far, you're probably like, "when is she gonna actually say something of substance?" so for you folks, I will provide the rest of the story HereCollapse )
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